How Does Empathy Improve Your Relationship?

Imagine coming home after a challenging day, barely holding yourself together and wanting nothing but to step in a hot shower.

Now, your partner will likely do one of two things: either give you a warm hug and offer a listening ear or ignore your state and start discussing their own day instead, perhaps bringing up a complaint or two.

The difference between the two acts is where empathy comes in. 

An empathetic partner understands your needs better and knows when to support you. It’s more than just listening to you; it’s about understanding your experiences from your own perspective rather than their own.

In this article, we’ll discuss how empathy can improve your relationship and make it more resilient.

The Definition of Empathy in a Relationship

If someone asked you about the definition of empathy, you’d likely mention sympathy, compassion, and similar terms. You’d think of relating to other people and trying to feel their pain—or at least understand that there’s a reason behind their actions.

In a relationship, empathy goes beyond these simple feelings. It’s more about deeply understanding everything about your partner, including their feelings, thoughts, and experiences.

While general empathy involves understanding someone’s actions and trying to help them in a particular situation, empathy in a relationship involves a full commitment to constantly trying to understand your partner and using that to support them.

Applied in a relationship, empathy means stepping into your partner’s shoes to see life from their perspective. It’s about trying to understand why they respond to particular situations that way or how they experience life in general.

We can say that general empathy is situational or momentary, while empathy in a relationship is an ongoing commitment. It can go a long way in creating a safe space where both of you feel understood.

6 Ways Empathy Will Improve Your Relationship

A little understanding can go a long way in bringing two partners closer. Empathy is the secret ingredient here—here’s how it can improve your relationship.

1. It’ll Improve Your Connection With Your Partner

Empathy involves putting yourself in your partner’s shoes, trying to see the situation from their eyes, and imagining what they feel like. Doing so regularly helps you feel more connected to your partner because you treat both their pain and happiness as your own. 

It makes you think twice before doing something that may irritate them, and it helps you choose the best times to tackle uncomfortable topics.

On top of that, putting yourself in your partner’s shoes during an argument helps you see things from their perspective and try to reach a middle ground—or at least know the reason for their stance.

When you’re always empathetic with your partner, you feel emotionally closer and grow your connection. As a result, arguments become easier and you become better at understanding where they come from.

Example: you’re having an argument with your partner, and their point of view seems ridiculous to you—at least at first. When you take into consideration their upbringing and childhood, you understand where they’re coming from, and you’re able to approach the argument from a better angle.

2. It’ll Help You Understand Your Partner Better

When you don’t always see eye to eye with your partner, it becomes challenging to overcome arguments. You may feel as if you’re digging into cement.

While being empathetic doesn’t mean you’ll always see eye to eye, it means you’ll have a better understanding of your partner’s point of view. You’ll see things from their perspective and understand their stances on some topics. You may still not agree, but you’ll know how to approach the topic and deal with the argument.

When you constantly try to understand where your partner is coming from, you eventually gain a better understanding of their character. The opposite of being empathetic is drowning in your own perspective without considering your partner’s. It may come off as selfish, and you don’t want that for your relationship.

Example: You’re an extrovert, while your partner is more introverted and prefers quiet evenings at home. You want to go on a weekend getaway with friends, but your partner seems opposed to the idea. Instead of being frustrated, you put yourself in your partner’s shoes and understand that such an activity may overwhelm them, and they may not enjoy it much. In this case, you can look for an alternative that doesn’t include as much socialization.

3. It May Reduce Conflicts and Arguments

While conflicts and arguments are integral parts of any relationship, you can always try to reduce them by being empathetic. If you make some effort to grasp what your partner may be feeling, though you may not be feeling it yourself, it can help you tackle the argument without any hurtful actions or words.

Better yet, it’ll help you choose the right way to end the argument because you know what your partner is feeling. You’ll also be entering the argument to understand rather than win, which will set your priorities straight.

Example: If you’re arguing about finances, instead of stressing about your financial requirements and the way you’re struggling, you can try to be more understanding of your partner’s stance. You can say something like, “I know that financial issues can really weigh on you; do you want to talk about what’s stressing you out the most?” This helps you reach a cooperative resolution with your partner rather than letting them bear the load of it.

4. It’ll Help Your Partner Trust You More

Being empathetic toward your partner assures them that you’re capable of putting yourself in their shoes and feeling what they’re feeling. In one way, this builds strong trust between you both and makes your partner more comfortable expressing themselves. 

They’ll trust you enough to be vulnerable with you and communicate their thoughts more freely. If you can both manage to express your thoughts comfortably, the relationship will be as healthy as can be.

Example: If your partner is opening up about an embarrassing mistake they made at work, you’ll relate to their feeling rather than laughing about it or dismissing it. You’ll say that you understand why it’s frustrating, but that everyone makes these kinds of mistakes. In this case, your response reassures them that they can share their vulnerable moments with you without fear or judgment.

5. It’ll Help You Support Them During Hard Times

Everyone knows a relationship isn’t all ups—downs are part of the process too. If you manage to develop empathy toward your partner, you can support them and be there for them during the hard times in meaningful ways. You’ll know what they’re feeling, and so you can show support in the right way.

Whether your partner is dealing with personal issues, a family crisis, or stress at work, emphasizing and providing a shoulder to lean on is enough act of support. It helps strengthen your bond and grow the connection between you both.

Example: Say your partner is trying to get over the death of a loved one, like a parent or a close friend. In this case, you can offer support in various ways, such as letting them express their feelings freely or offering to run errands for them. Practical help can be the better choice with someone who doesn’t want to talk about it yet. You can handle tasks like grocery shopping, dog walking, etc.

6. It Allows You to Celebrate Your Wins Together

When you’re constantly trying to see things from your partner’s perspective, you become genuinely happy for them at their wins and achievements. It makes you feel that you’re a team, celebrating everything together. 

If you’re not empathetic with your partner enough, it drives a wedge between you two and makes you feel detached. Due to that, when it’s time to celebrate a win on your partner’s side, you don’t have it in you to feel genuine happiness—you treat their happiness as if it’s their own rather than treating it as yours.

Example: Your partner gets a promotion, and you decide to offer a romantic dinner as a celebration of this big step forward. You’re sharing their happiness and making them feel supported. Instead, a non-empathetic partner would dismiss the matter with a ‘congrats.’

How to Develop Empathy Towards Your Partner

Everyone talks about the benefits of empathy for your relationship, but no one addresses how to be empathetic. It may come naturally to some people, but to others—most people, actually—, it’s something they have to work on. 

Because let’s face it, it’s always easier to stick to your own perspective rather than trying to understand your partner’s.

So, how to work on being more empathetic towards your partner? Here are some ways to start:

Always Put Yourself in Your Partner’s Shoes

You’ll never fully empathize with your partner if you don’t put yourself in their shoes. You have to imagine what it’d feel like to be in their shoes and see the situation from their perspective rather than your own. 

This won’t only help you understand them better, but it’ll also help you recognize if your perspective is valid for them. In other words, it’ll help you realize who stands on the right or valid side of the argument.

To do that correctly, try to consider their experiences and background while imagining what they’d feel like. It’ll help you understand the reasons behind their actions.

Actively Listen to Your Partner

Only listening to your partner isn’t enough—you have to actively listen to what they’re saying, paying close attention to the feelings behind their words and trying to understand where they’re coming from.

Don’t interrupt or form judgments; you’re only trying to understand where your partner is coming from or what’s the background behind their actions. This will help you understand their character better, thus improving your ability to look at situations from their perspective.

This may be extra challenging if your partner isn’t talkative or finds it hard to express their emotions. In such cases, it’s important to relay that they can talk when they’re ready and that you’re not pressuring them to do it at the moment.

Avoid Making Assumptions About Your Partner’s Thoughts

Making assumptions is a common act that stems either from anxiety or anger. 

You may be afraid that your partner is treating you differently for a hidden reason, so you start making assumptions about them. 

Likewise, you may be angry about your partner’s actions, so you start assuming it’s because they’re pressured in work, dealing with hidden issues, etc.

In fact, most of the time, your assumptions are wrong because they stem from your own feelings and perspective without taking into account your partner’s feelings. That’s why the best way to understand them is to communicate directly without making assumptions. 

You don’t want to walk into an argument triggered by thoughts that only exist in your mind, so avoid assuming anything without talking to your partner first.

Understand and Evaluate Your Own Emotions First

In order to empathize with your partner correctly, you have to understand your own emotions first. 

Being self-aware helps you understand the reason behind your anger, fear, or whatever feeling consuming you. When you’re self-aware, you have a better ability to relate to the feelings of your partner because you reflect on your own emotions to understand them.

For example, if you’re feeling angry for some reason, they may be feeling angry too, but due to a different reason. You can then evaluate the situation and understand where they’re coming from.

Final Words

In a relationship, empathy is the secret ingredient to connection and mutual trust. It’s an ongoing commitment that strengthens your intimacy and connection over time.

Granted, empathy isn’t always easy. It requires a willingness to set aside your own perspective and a genuine desire to understand the meaning behind your partner’s actions. 

At a lot of times, it’ll feel easier to stick with your own point of view, but the effort to empathize is what creates a stronger, more resilient relationship.

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